Health Updates

***Written March 30***

But GOD! God is so good to me—some of my sickness and side-effects He has healed me from; others He has left with me as a reminder of how great He is an the closeness with Him I learned only through cancer.

Some of the healing things:

I’m cancer free still! And I don’t say that lightly. For about over the past two months, I was received two abnormally high tumor markers. While I continued to get additional labs done to track my tumor, the words “double-lung-surgery,” and “chemo” were tossed around. I should have been a wreck indside, but the Lord gave His peace—so much so I almost forgot to go to a lab draw! I think some to this peace came because I’ve learned and truly believe that God is only good, no matter my health.

As for some of my memorials and reminders of God’s goodness:

My feet and below the knee continue to be numb. Physical therapy has helped strengthen my legs and retaught my brain how to think about balancing again. Each day I lose my balance a handful of times, but each time is a sweet reminder to think about being stayed on Him.

Occupational therapy has strengthened my hands some and also given me strategies with how to do simple tasks that were impossible before (opening water bottles, clipping nails). There are still things everyday that I can’t do or need to compensate for (turning pages, turning on lamps, etc), but these remind me to keep my dependence on God and not my own strength and abilities.

At the beginning on March I had another hearing test done because it seemed like there was increased frustration on my kids’ part in getting me to hear what they were saying. I also noticed that the ringing in my ears seemed louder. The hearing test reflected my hearing loss has increased since my last test in November. As a result, I’ll be getting hearing aids somewhat in the near future (I was told it could take up to three months to get everything processed). Even though I grieve being a burden to my children’s desire to communicate, my lack of hearing reminds me to hear God’s voice each day through His Word, prayer, and the Holy Spirit.

I’ve also been seeing a new chiropractor twice a week for the past month for some chronic inflammation. I am starting to feel much better and am reminded that God is the One who aligns my steps and just as the chiropractor knows things about my back just by seeing me walk, so the Lord knows my hidden heart.

***Updated April 8: Last Friday we got news that my latest tumor marker was at 25 —over 800% above normal. I will go to biweekly labs, have a CT scan, and confer with my specialist in Chicago as to the next steps. I sort of feel as if this it the devil tempting me to doubt God...again. I want to look him in the eye and say, “Oh no you don’t! You’ve tried this trick (high labs) two times before and you’re not getting me. My God is good no matter what the world calls my labs. And I am determined that nothing will shake me from this truth. Not even you, Satan!!” In the meanwhile...we keep living our lives day by day and coveting your prayers.

Some People Walk in the Rain, Others Just Get Wet

”Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.”  Roger Miller

We’ve had a week full of rain here in the Midwest, so it’s given me lots of time to think about rain. Two things have stood out in my mind the past week about God being revealed through His creation:

The first took place on Wednesday. Oh, the excitement Lydia had getting ready to go. She couldn’t stop talking about it; she couldn’t stop preparing for our trip. My three year old was beyond excited; we were going to the library! But, even though books are one of her dearest loves, all energy, focus, preparation, and joy was because of one thing: “I’m going to get wet! I’m going to get wet!”  She carefully selected her rain coat above the other jackets and coats she owns, and even sacrificed fashion to wear not-pink John Deere rain boots (the only rain boots we have in her current size). She was ready for the 20 second walk—she planned to enjoy every raindrop and relish in each puddle! I, on the other hand, wanted to walk as quickly as I could so I wouln’t get wet! As a mom with multiple littles, I’d stop carrying an umbrella long ago—I simply don’t have enough hands!

The rain is like the changes and trials in our life. If we’re prepared for them, like my daughter was for the rain, then we don’t have to dread the changes they bring. Lydia’s preparation enabled her to slow down and enjoy each raindrop; I was only focused was shelter and not getting wet. So I ask you, my friend, what are you doing not to prepare for the changes and trials ahead? With proper preparation we can see God’s goodness in them. Or maybe you’re like me: rushing through the trial, laser-focused on the end, on relief from heartache and pain. If you’re in a trial, is your only satisfaction then end. If so, go back inside and get your rain boots on! Prepare yourself for the rain by putting on your raincoat, by daily being in God’s Word and studying it. Soon you’ll start to see more than the door to the library, more than shelter and the end of your trial or change. You’ll be like my little Lydia. She knew about rain because she’d been outside before, she couldn’t stop telling her 19-month old brother all about it before we left the house. She made sure he was properly dressed so as to properly enjoy the rain when it was time. If you’ve already been through a trial, have seen rain before, who are you telling about what you learned? Once again, God has taken simple things such as rain and a sweet three-year-old to teach me about Himself.

The second thought that stood out to me came while I was driving. Between doctor appointments (most are 25 minutes, one-way) and having the girls in school (20 minutes, one-way), I spend a lot of time behind the wheel. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always had a fascination with watching raindrop streak across the window while riding in a vehicle. This week I was passing time spent in heavy traffic doing the same. And then it dawned on me! As a child, I remember how fearful I’d get because my dad would allow SO MUCH rain on the windshield before he would use his wipers. Only when the traffic ahead of him was virtually invisible would he start them up. I realized this week that I sometimes drive the same way, but now with no hint of worry.. What’s the difference? My focus! As a child I would focus on the raindrops—what was right in front of me and surrounding me; as an adult, I look past the raindrops and see through them. Wow...how often do do this in life? I get my focus on what’s around me, my current circumstances, and in creep the fear and panic. I can’t see past them to see anything or Anyone beyond them. But when I look past my circumstances, just as when I look through the raindrops on the windshield, I can see everything around me. There is no fear. I need to learn to look past my circumstaces and surroundings to see Christ and others—even while it’s raining!