Learning to Live Life

I spent the last summer so sick. My life ---the daily rhythm of who I was --- was put on hold while I endured the hardest physical, spiritual, and mental battle I'd ever been in. I was too sick to go out anywhere socially for months. If I did make it to church, I was in a fog while I was there due to medication and exhausted when I arrived home. I lived as a spectator in my body while it became weaker and weaker. I was unable to cook or clean --to take care of my loved ones the way my heart so dearly desired. Possibly the hardest blow of all was the inability to be around the slightest loud noise while the chemo attacked nerves in my ears; this meant being around my children was painful and at times impossible.

But now I'm cancer-free, and recovering slowly! I'll always be scarred by cancer. I'll never be the same person I was physically, spiritually, or mentally. But with the scars also comes blessings.

I'm at home now. Finally unpacking "office" boxes from our move last May. I'm working at organizing how I'll work and manage my family and household for the next several years. You see, when we moved last May, all of my desk items--the things closest to my heart, the things keeping me afloat spiritually and emotionally--were just swept into a box, taped up, and moved to the new house, where they landed in the spare room until I could unpack them.

Now, slowly, I'm unpacking those boxes. They hold all the mail, paperwork, love notes from children, books read, and so much more from the last two years of my life. I am surprised how emotional it is to relive those years as I process and sort paperwork and pictures. One of the dearest treasures I unpacked was my "God box". How many tears have been shed over this box. How many anchors of my faith are in this box. It's a simply made box; crudely put together. Inside are 3x5 cards with verses. At the top of each card I have written "My God is ________. Back in college one year, my devotions were spent developing this box.  Little did I know then for what trials this box would help me through. It reminds me of Who my God is.

My God is HOPE:

"For in thee, O Lord, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God." Psalm 38:15

My God is GENTLE (even in a time when I was violently ill):

"Thou hast also given me thy shield of salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great." Psalm 18:35

My God is PEACE (when I focus on knowing Him):

"Aquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace; thereby good shall come unto thee." Job 22:21

"..the Lord will bless his people with peace." Psalm 29:11

My God is STRENGTH:

"I will love thee, O Lord my strength." Psalm 18:1

As I continue to recover from cancer and learn what diminished physical capabilities the chemo has left me with, I continue to see more of Who my God is through His Word. He's in there, ready for me to discover; all I need to do is intentionally look and claim His promises. My "God box" is now overflowing; characteristics of God have been organized, ready to be grabbed at a moment's notice. When I'm tempted to doubt or fear, I grab  the characteristic that combats that thought and read through them. What a comfort His Word is as it reminds me of Who my God is.